You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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