Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
