What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
being pregnant is like rehab
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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