Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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