Pants 0. Shit 1.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
