I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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