sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
