I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
