I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
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When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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