R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I need help removing her.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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