Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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