2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
