I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ugly people sure do ruin things
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
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