would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
