Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
