Quick, to the slutcave!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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