I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
