So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
