I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
