I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
