I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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