I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
