Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
