she smelled like a LAN party
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
