I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
