i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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