If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
