umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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