Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
