it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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