So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm passing your future prison.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dick very happy bro
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
