did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
