ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
