i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
