do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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