I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
