I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
