woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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