I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
