i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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