I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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