Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
