I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
