i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
