Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
