I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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