i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
