It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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