Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
ugly people sure do ruin things
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just puked most of my soul out..
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