you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
