I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize