I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
ok first of all what the fuck
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
