Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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