I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
