For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
