But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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