The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
