if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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