my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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