God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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