They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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