I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think i have herpe
just one?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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