what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
