1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
