eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
