just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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