someone threw a dead crab at me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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