I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
