she was so not down for the gang bang
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
