I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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