I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
