Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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