I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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