Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
